uncertain marketing
complaining, tour, something for you, something for me
uncertainty seems to be following me around. i suppose these are uncertain time for all of us, or maybe the times are always uncertain. i am not sure and i guess not being sure is sort of the definition, or a definition, of uncertain. they* say each of us contain multitudes - well all of my multiple tudes are fucked and running around inside my head, chasing each other with a knife. i told my therapist in our final session that i feel as if every part of my life is a mangled cluster of 1/4” cables that i cannot untangle.
(sidebar - i actually wrote a sing-song about it and released it via my Bandcamp subscription - i use what Mari calls “good chords” on the guitar)
these cable clusters usually represent some part of my life that i view (for whatever psychotic reason) as ‘separate’ from the other parts, even though deep down i know all these parts are connected. Taxes, mental health, world issues that barely graze my day-to-day reality but still hold immense weight, etc… maybe there is one 50 foot xlr cable in there connecting all these chaos clusters?
basically, i am overwhelmed - simultaneously frozen with fear and frenetically thrashing through each of my activities (really just exhausting myself back into that fear). this really fuels my “this is immovable and also intangible” view of my problems**.
…something marginally more positive to speak about - i do a monthly show for the wonderful NTS radio. one hour of music a month. in preparation for these shows, I often go through three or four versions of what i want to play during my single hour on air. this process of creating more material than the public engages with is common for most artists, but as i usually feel, i am an exceptional case. i create even more material of an even higher quality than others (LOL). long story short, i have a thumb drive full of mixes that will never see the (your) light of day unless i share them on here. that is what i am doing. you can listen to my most recent NTS show (feb 9) here. additionally i’ve included an “outtake mix” for this letter.
*not sure if these are astrology girlies, or IG they/thems, or just the general global population that at some point has been somewhat in touch with themselves.
**not sure if these are actual problems
my EU/UK tour is approaching. April/May concert dates are below
april 4th BRDCST Festival, brussels, be
april 5th BRDCST Festival, brussels, be
april 7th rotondes, luxembourg, lu
april 8th muziekgebouw, amsterdam, nl
april 10th fasching, stockholm, se
april 11th koncerthuset, copenhagen, dk
apirl 12th triennale, milan, it
april 15th winternitzova vila, prague, cz (sold out)
april 16th winternitzova vila, prague, cz
april 21st la station, paris, fr
april 22nd st matthias church, london, uk
april 25th bristol new music, bristol, uk
april 26th glad cafe, glasgow, uk
april 28th hallé at st michaels, manchester, uk
april 29th the attic, leeds, uk
april 30th bellobar, dublin, ie
may 2nd donaufestival, donau, at
what a long list of dates, are you asleep from reading that? do you look at the venues on peoples tours and then google the capacity of each venue to see if the artist is “big” compared to you or if you can smugly sit in superiority knowing you too could play a show there? it is deranged how MY mind works…
Now that I hopefully have your attention once more - i am doing an AMA (ask me anything) on Reddit for the r/ambientmusic subreddit TOMORROW on February 21st at 11AM EASTERN TIME. this means i am going to be on reddit, talking about ambient music just before 8am pacific. that is right, i am going full virgin this weekend. well, i was told by google reddit is less virgin-y now. regardless, it is funny to view my morning as something fun that is sexless. or maybe i could make it sexy? probably not though.
last thing, as usual, a few recommendations…
“music”
“Duet” by Lee Noble
My Shadow by Carrie DeCunzo Mirande
Plays Solo Piano by Ran Blake
“books”
Rejection by Tony Tulathimutte
Disordered Attention by Claire Bishop
On The Calculation of Volume I-III by Solvej Balle (II is my current favorite)
“scores”
Open Field (1980) by Pauline Oliveros
When a sight, sound, movement, or place attracts your attention during your daily life, consider that moment an “art experience”. Find a way to record an impression of this momentary “art experience” using any appropriate means or media. Share these experiences with each other and make them available to others.
i know i complain sometimes and ask a lot of you (sometimes) but life really isn’t that bad right now. i haven’t always been hopeful - i am not feeling hopeful right now. i do believe that there is/can be hope. i see it all the time in my friends, my pets, the LA sunsets (gayyy [derogatory] i know), in the music i listen to each day, in breakfast for dinner, etc.
anyways, i love saying anyways, and also using (these guys), that is it for today. as always this was a ramble and is unedited.
see you at a concert or online,
claire
Yes, also loving the On the Calculation of Volume series! I wrote this kinda-review of the first three books because I couldn't really see any good pieces out there about them... https://aarbor.substack.com/p/on-the-calculation-of-volume-books
Excited to see where book four takes us!
I definately share your dread and present-anxiety. I feel simultaniously that this is what i’ve trained for, as i feel art is a way to resist. But also there’s the crushing weight of uncertainty and just survival in a world that seems to be turning its back on the best of humanity. Anyways, i think it’s very important to voice these fears and anxieties, to not polish it all away, because they are very real. Maybe talking about them might take the weight of a little. At least i appreciate you sharing this.
✨🌿✨